Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
