and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
