They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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