dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
