Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Randomize
