Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
