one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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