True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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