I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
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