So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
