It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
