He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
