Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
