Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
