Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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