Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
