They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Your dad touched me again.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
