Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
