So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
