Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Randomize
