i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
