watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
