wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
