ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
