I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
this is an emotional support booty call
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
