I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
