like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
