So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
