so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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