Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
