highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Four minutes until I can fart!
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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