I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
