I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
