mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Randomize
