next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
