Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
