Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
