I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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