when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
