We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
