I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
