He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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