like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
he's gonorrhea incarnate
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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