It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
