apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
