Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
