I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
