whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
