after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
