Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
