Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
