I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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