I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
