dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
