I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
