I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
