We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
