Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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