even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
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