tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Princesses don't give blow jobs
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
