He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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