Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
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