they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
