you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
