you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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