Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
