There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
