Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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