That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
