Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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